Here’s what Grey had to say:

Mary Magdalene

the only Saint in the church

with her hair let down.

There’s nothing to do

but watch them sing Zeppelin

by the old Fountain.

John Lee Hooker’s voice

makes it easy to walk through

Puerto Madera

The drunks and I sat

trading our favorite songs

as two AM struck.

A beautiful day

everything in its right place

I want to go home.

illustration by Mike Shoyket, of Land War in Winter, Soul Candy, and Mike Shoyket.

Every Monday, booker/host/bon vivant Ben Kreiger has opted to do something special at the Open Stage. We’ve experienced a songwriter challenge and an audio-visual catastrophe, now comes, for Monday, March 20, 2013:  I Heart You.

Krieger’s put together such events before, but usually for a scheduled show, where volunteers choose to cover the material of another local performer, so that acts that would otherwise not be known can get a little recognition. Krieger encourages it to be people that the artist knows; I say it should be someone on the scene – whether historical or current. I guess there’s no authority that’ll stop you if you cheat.

Come with a song – or poem, or joke – from another artist that you respect. Do it. Spread the love. It’s gonna be great.

“Ah…” I thought, “I was at Dan and Rachel’s a couple of years ago. I missed Erin and Dan’s wedding that same season. I actually married the members of Chicken Little with some fake-ass certification. But the big one I remember was Patsy and Grey, back in 2000.”

“Were any of them local?” Ray asked.

“No.”

We were just a couple of blocks from the Sidewalk, which is another location that Arthur Medrano and Shiloh Levy were considering tying the knot. They ended up instead at Gathering of the Tribes, where the outside world was dreary and depressing, but inside, spirits were high as a couple consecrated their loved before witnesses from as far as the Bronx (Maybe further, too).

AntiFolkers were in attendance, as well as family, and Steve Cannon, patron saint of Tribes. It was a local occasion from a couple that have making music together for some time already as the duo Missed Art.

The food was fantastic.

Now, she plays in Red Gretchen, and puts on one night a month at the Sidewalk. For the first time in a long time, she played a set of her own songs.

She has to do that more often. She’s an excellent side player, can do whatever needs to be done for whatever any band needs, and that same eclectic flexibility can be heard in her own sets. She played early, and she played short.

Maybe next month, she’ll give herself an hour.

DC never liked the gander camera on him, maybe because he laces his open mic sets with profanity and aggressive motions. Maybe it’s ’cause he’s got a job. Normally, the audience is attentive, or at least too frightened to avoid him. One woman, in particular, was watching DC with the utmost focus.

“Asshole!” she seemed to mouth during his song, along with ‘Fuck you!” and other things I couldn’t understand.

During DC’s second song, called “Fuck Off,” she threw the epithet back at him repeatedly, venomously. DC took it in stride, until getting off stage, when he curtly mentioned freedom of speech – and she quickly threw a glass of something at him. I’m hoping it was water.

DC was yelling. The woman was yelling. Ben was yelling for them to separate. It all happened underneath the camera.

Some people showed films, too. I guess. If you like that sort of thing.

Ben Searcy, Australian, was playing his “show” at the seven o’clock slot to the few who deigned to arrive, as well as a bunch of kids that would be part of the Brooklyn Music School celebration that would follow.The photographer, musician, and probable criminal (as are all Australians), did his able best to entertain the crowd, featuring songs from his just-released CD, Tree House.

As the soundman passed the tip jar, though, Searcy explained that he had two songs left, and that, “The last one, well, you should probably consider parental judgement.”

The foreigner did an instrumental, then launched into Ballad of the Faceless Models, whose chorus includes the line, “I’m the cock and balls of K-Mart.”

The children didn’t know what to do, probably because they were anticipating the show they were there to see. Or maybe they missed the context of the words. Even so, danger was in the air, and the children of America needed to be protected from this foreign menace.

Luckily, A Man in Suspenders was there. A Man in Suspenders ran down the booker of the club, shouting “There are CHILDREN here! And he’s singing about COCK AND BALLS!”

The booker rushed to the soundman, who bravely muted Searcy every subsequent time the dreaded lyrics arrived.

The children were safe, thanks to the quick action of the sound man, the brave actions of the booker, and the vigilant protective stance of the Man in Suspenders. The invasive threat of Searcy was rebuffed, and Anerica’s children maintained their virgin ears.

After the set, the Man in Suspenders walked the room, apologizing to the parents in the room.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to the adults to my left.

“What happened?” the parents asked.

“You didn’t hear that last guy?”

“Oh, yeah. He was good.”

“Well, all right then,” the Man in Suspender said, before going off to maintain the peace, while “Brown Sugar” blasted through the speakers.

When the Brooklyn Music School began their recital, they started with “Beat It.”

I did.

illo by Mike Shoyket. He’s all right, ain’t he?

Each Monday this May, Ben Krieger, in his infinite wisdom, has decided to theme the hell out of the Open Stage.

Last week was the songwriting challenge, where everyone had the chance to write something new based on a randomly supplied song titles (my favorite was Bob Black’s damning indictment of open mic offenders).

This Monday, May 13, it’s audio visual night, featuring a screen made up of old paintings left at the Sidewalk, and a project that was begged, borrowed or stolen especially for the occasion.

What will people bring? Home movies? Music videos? Random video accompaniment to go along with their songs? The last scene from Inglorious Basterds? Who knows? You will, if you come out…

Madison Cano led off the musical portion of the evening, with boyfriend Josh Fox noodling along on electric leads. Cano’s powerful voice was the feature, but the band’s arrangements helped add to the drama of songs that seemed to deal mostly with the despair of distance. Her delivery, and diabolical microphone tricks, kept the audience engaged.

“The Royal Drag is next,” Cano said, “And they are great. And I’m not just saying that because I’m in the band…”

photo by Bob Black

Josh Fox leads the Royal Drag, and Cano sings backing vocals and plays acoustic guitar. Fox’s voice is not as amazing as hers, but the dynamism of the orchestration is even more pronounced. He creates perfect pop masterpieces; it’s no wonder both bands were part of New York’s International Pop Overthrow.

Third up was the solo acoustic Young Mothers, which is made up entirely of the Royal Drag’s drummer Zach Toporek (and the anxiety he produces).

“I remember him from the Open Mic,” I muttered to Cano, “He’s pretty unnerving.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, as Young Mothers sang and twitched in the middle of the room, leaving no one any safe opportunity of escape.

“Uh… that?” I gestured, but she looked at me like I was strange, and not the dude called Young Mothers.

“I gotta go,” I said, “I have to be somewhere slightly less weird.”

I boldly left the room, only to go outside where Killy Dwyer made me tit-punch her.

One, I think, the Hawaiian, which, like all good hamburgers, features bacon, but unlike any burger I’d ever had before, there’s peanut sauce dripping out of every pour. It would be messy, if I hadn’t found it necessary to lick every single part of the the sauce off the plate, my fingers, and the table.

It was good.

The other burger was the Red Dracula, or something like it, and it featured three – three kinds of pork (the ham in hamburger is pork, right? Maybe my math is off). These are disgusting and deadly courses the Sidewalk is building. I’d compliment everyone involved in them, if I could only be heard over the music.