Crisis Averted

Posted on: May 13th, 2013 by Jon Berger 1 Comment

Saturday night, what could have been a disaster of catastrophic proportions was daintily averted thanks to the protective abilities of one nameless man.

Ben Searcy, Australian, was playing his “show” at the seven o’clock slot to the few who deigned to arrive, as well as a bunch of kids that would be part of the Brooklyn Music School celebration that would follow.The photographer, musician, and probable criminal (as are all Australians), did his able best to entertain the crowd, featuring songs from his just-released CD, Tree House.

As the soundman passed the tip jar, though, Searcy explained that he had two songs left, and that, “The last one, well, you should probably consider parental judgement.”

The foreigner did an instrumental, then launched into Ballad of the Faceless Models, whose chorus includes the line, “I’m the cock and balls of K-Mart.”

The children didn’t know what to do, probably because they were anticipating the show they were there to see. Or maybe they missed the context of the words. Even so, danger was in the air, and the children of America needed to be protected from this foreign menace.

Luckily, A Man in Suspenders was there. A Man in Suspenders ran down the booker of the club, shouting “There are CHILDREN here! And he’s singing about COCK AND BALLS!”

The booker rushed to the soundman, who bravely muted Searcy every subsequent time the dreaded lyrics arrived.

The children were safe, thanks to the quick action of the sound man, the brave actions of the booker, and the vigilant protective stance of the Man in Suspenders. The invasive threat of Searcy was rebuffed, and Anerica’s children maintained their virgin ears.

After the set, the Man in Suspenders walked the room, apologizing to the parents in the room.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to the adults to my left.

“What happened?” the parents asked.

“You didn’t hear that last guy?”

“Oh, yeah. He was good.”

“Well, all right then,” the Man in Suspender said, before going off to maintain the peace, while “Brown Sugar” blasted through the speakers.

When the Brooklyn Music School began their recital, they started with “Beat It.”

I did.

One Response

  1. Bee K says:

    It wasn’t *quite* like this, it should be noted.

    – Searcy requested a gig before a certain date.
    – I presented this date and ran it by suspenders man.
    – Suspenders man said, “sure, as long as everything is rated G”
    – Searcy: “I can do that.”

    I could care less what the kids hear, but breaking an agreement is not the same as breaking rules. When you break a rule, you are rebelling against a restriction imposed on you. When you break an agreement, you are going back on a promise to respect the wishes of someone else. It doesn’t matter if you think someone is a prude: you made an agreement to respect their wishes. They aren’t The Man. You should be considerate. End of story.

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